The Diary of the Evil DarkLordVoldieShorts
by KanaP
Summary: The Dark Lord is getting old. He can't remember names, is incontinent and doesn't understand the world anymore. On his old days, he decides to write a diary. What's in it, what his worries and troubles are - exclusive only here!
1. Chapter 1

I don't get paid for writing this

And I don't owe the characters.

And sorry for the bad English, it's only my third language.

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Dear Diary of the never ending evil,

I have the slight feeling, that nobody likes me. The whole wizard world is that right? wants to see me dead. They hate me so much, that they gave this whole Kill-Dark-Lord-Voldie-Shorts-Mission to a little, slender, underfed, shiftless, little – oh, we had this one already - ..um.. yeah, well, he wants to kill me.

He's called… Harold… Hagan… Henry… Hans… yeah, something like this. Hans Otter is his name and he hates me, and only god knows why he dislikes me.

I didn't do anything to him! I…I… I did a favour for him! If he has no parents, then there is nobody to forbid going to partys and… I never had pareeents!!

Oh…yeah…well

And then I gave him this stylish scar!! I mean – THAT's hot!! It's unique!!

Everybody will recognize him: "Man, look! It's Harvey Slotter!". He should be honored. – But noooo, he wants to kill me instead! Unthankful little brat!

When I was young, things were different. There were no such things like the "Hogwarts-Express", we had to WALK to Hogwarts! There was no Quidditch or mobile phones or computers or books or ghosts and all this new stuff! We weren't allowed to sleep in dorms, we had to sleep in the forest! And then…

And my servants! Useless! Those… Death…Sneakers… what was their name again?! Anyway, who cares. They all seem to be scared of me! Me! Impossible! Probably, I'm the most sympathic person of the universe! At least, they change my diapers.

Indeed, Dear Diary, I became incontinent…

Okay, back to the topic: my servants.

This one girl with the long blond hair is the worst of all! I think she was called Luciana Alnoy. She's so ingratiating, it's disgusting!

"Dark Lord…" here … "My wonderful Master…" there… oh god…

But I am plotting something evil against Hilton Sotter! Sadly, I cannot tell you now, because I have to attend a visit by the doctor, because I am getting a hair growing treatment.

After that I am going to play chess with the headmaster of Hogwarts, Arnus Dunderborn.

And after that I have to study again. Since some time I am always forgetting people's names, so I wrote them down. Pretty bright, huh?

Bye Bye

Yours,

Tommy.

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Please let me know if you liked this story or not


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for your nice reviews

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Dear Diary of the unbelievable Evil,

I lost the chess game against the headmaster. It's strange, I think I've seen him somewhere before, but I really can't remember…

All the time I have this certain feeling, that I've forgotten something… Something that has to do with a list and names… hmm… weird… if only I could remember…

Perhaps it was the list with the names for my birthday party! Yes, dear diary, it's my birthday tomorrow!! Yes!! I'm going to be … umm… 158 years old! _-squee-_

Wow!

The little guy that's always around me told me. He's able to turn himself in a rat. Rattail or something like that he's called.

Okay, back to the topic.

I planned my birthday!! First: the guests are coming. After that, we'll eat the birthday cake. Then I'll unwrap the presents. And then the clown comes in! I love the clown! Clown's are so cool! Clown for president!!

And my babysitter is one of my "Death Believers". Serberus. … or something like that. You know. The one with the long black hair and this **huge** nose!! Man, it's a giant!!

It's gonna be great!! I made little party hats for everyone!! That will be the best birthday ever!!

And I planned something evil for Hadden Notter! 'Kay, here's the plan: when everyone sleeps, my little spy Serberus will put Hakan's hand in warm water! Mwahahahahaaa! And then he will pee into his pants!! And everybody will laugh at him!!

Oh damn yes! I am the incredible evil!!

Bye Bye, Love ya

Yours, Tommy


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